You Can't Handle the Truth

Tonight, believe it or not, I have few words...

I do NOT understand God... it's not that I have ever tried to "figure Him out", it's just that when I think I might know Him, He changes.  I know... bad terminology.  HE doesn't change, but my understanding or perception of Him does.  He perplexes my intellect. He confounds my doctrine. He crushes my precepts, dogma and persuasions. 

It's not that truth, as I have presumed it, is no longer true. There is absolute truth.  Whether I believe something to be true or not does not change the veracity of truth. 

But... what if the vastness of truth is so far beyond my comprehension, that even attempts to understand it, prove the most futile of pursuits. 

I find myself tonight, and perhaps in a season of, an overwhelming sense of consternation.  I am experiencing aspects of what have the appearance of intense grace, but what most would consider "bad theology"... even I.  I don't know what to do with it...

My intellect "warns" of possible deception... but my spirit, the dwelling place of the Spirit of God, resists such a judgment, such reasoning.  "It" cuts deeply and vehemently through my conjectures and suppositions...

Have I so grossly underestimated the magnitude of God's grace that I cannot even recognize it?  Have I prostituted His goodness for "good theology"? 

I am genuinely struggling to put into words all that I am feeling and questioning...

What I know tonight is, that God is infinitely more than I can grasp... His love and His grace are indescribably... extravagantly... more than I can possibly absorb...

'Nuff said.