Giant Print Edition

Wow.  Just started typing out this post and went back to increase the font size because I couldn’t see what I was typing.  That has determined the direction of this post.  Let’s do something a little more light hearted than several of the previous musings.

Aging sucks.  I am not even forty yet…I know, it’s creeping; but the aging process has been increasingly noticeable in the last year.  I would like to fault the events of life’s recent circumstances, and perhaps they have played a part; but overall it is just the suckiness (yeah, that’s right suckiness- is that with an i or a y?) of pushing 40. 

When did the distinction between my butt and legs vanish?  Or at what precise moment did I mistake my hands for my mother’s? (No intended offense Mother, but you are 23 years older than I.) Dear lord, do I even want to go into facial hair?  It’s like I woke up one morning and could create a locks-of-loves donation for the Chin Hair Club for Women; and that’s a whole separate issue from the verity that I now have more chins than the Chinese phone book (this is not a racial slur; it could be likened to saying- more Schmidt than a German outhouse, just not as fitting.) 

Now, I will say the “up” side to the bust issue is just that.  With age, and having nursed three children, if I want to wear them up, I can wear them up.  If I want to wear them down, I can wear them down.  I can now even wear them to the side. Versatility.  That’s how I’m gonna roll with it (as the whippersnappers say). Nevertheless, I am still frustrated with the whole concurrent arrival of wrinkles AND zits… one of life’s greatest injustices. 

I have also become aware, that I no longer simply arise from a chair… I lean, slide and push up. What is that??  My knees also sound like Rice Krispies upon both, the ascent and descent, of the freaking stairs.  I don’t even know if I can stomach the details regarding hair.  Why is it, that for every two hairs I lose, only one GREY hair replaces it?  Those ratios are completely out of proportion… and SO not in my favor.  Those of you with great hair (and you so know who you are), should be on your face before our Creator in humble thanksgiving for your crown of glory. (Blehk…I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.)

Okay, well I had the early bird special; watched 60 minutes from the davenport; and the sun has already set so I should probably turn in for the night (I love my Craftmatic Adjustable).  Anybody seen my bi-focals so I can see where to shut off this new-fangled piece of machinery? :/