It Matters

I have returned home.  My mind has been everywhere but where it needs to be, so more than likely, I will have several different postings (trying to keep the things in my head sorted out in some manner) this afternoon/evening.  Bear with me... (or not. You don't have to read any it!).


I looked around the room this afternoon at the people in the retirement home.  While I may be far from "old" I am so in the aging process.  I have found myself looking in the mirror more lately. (Yeah, that's a little awkward to admit.)  I must tell you, I am less than thrilled at what is looking back at me.  I don't know that I have ever thought myself ugly (there is always better and thereby always worse).  But I don't care what they tell you in church, or anywhere else for that matter, beauty does matter to a girl.  I KNOW that what most matters is the beauty of the soul.  I fully agree and get that.  But to say that a girl shouldn't care about how she looks it completely unrealistic. 


It totally matters whether or not a woman feels beautiful.  I will confess, I thought it would become significantly less important as I got older... it hasn't.  I had a friend, of the male persuasion, tell me recently, that a man wants to know at certain age that he's still got "it".  I don't know that as women we need to know that so much, as we want to know if we are seen as beautiful... genuinely beautiful.  The kind of beauty that stands out... that gets noticed...  that is specific.  Are my eyes beautiful?  Even if they are now showing the footprints of small birds?  Do they intrigue you?  Is my smile one that captivates your heart? Even if the lines around it remain when the smile doesn't? What about my hair? My nose? I don't need to go on... read the Song of Songs.  Solomon shows us how it's done.  Even scripture validates our need to know... to feel... to be... beautiful.  It totally matters.


If it doesn't matter, then why did most of the women at the service today still have their hair done and many with make-up on?  Of course it matters.  I know it matters to me... even with more gray hair, lines and ugh- fat.  Maybe especially now.  I had someone give me a really nice compliment on my twitter profile picture. I was actually surprised and a little embarrassed at how good it made me feel... it matters.


But I do know that when I come to the end of my life, ultimately the physical beauty, as I know it, will fade... it will be who I am and what I've become that will display my truest beauty .  I hope to feed my soul and live my life in such a way that when I am 97, I will have a man look me in the eyes and tell me how beautiful I am...
(ok, let's not play... I'd take it at 38!)