I was going back through my blog, as I sometimes do, and read one from a couple of years ago... I am both encouraged and discouraged... Encouraged because I know I am still standing (sort of); discouraged because I see how little my life has actually changed and the pain in which I still find myself. I have copied and pasted part of one of those posts because it describes so clearly where I am... once again. "
"I am so thankful for the "good" days...the days filled with faith, hope, perseverance and strength. I am thankful because the "bad" ones can be really bad. I have had some of these lately. These are the days where all is tested...where you are actually making conscience decisions to take in air...where every ounce of energy is being used just to hold your head in an upright position. Will I hold on one more day? Can I bear anymore? There sits before me the contending of hope and heartache, the clashing of perseverance and pain, and ultimately the collision of faith and fear... Yet, when I choose to let go, when my choice is to trust Him, in the sweetness of surrender He takes my hand and leads me besides still waters, He makes me to lie down in the greenest of pastures and He restores my soul...I shall not want anything but more of Him."
I pray that Jesus will strengthen me to let go and trust Him in surrender... and that it will, indeed be sweet. Take my hand, Jesus, and lead me beside still waters; lay me down, Lover of my soul, in the fresh, living pastures, where You will stand me to my feet, hand in Yours, walking barefoot through the plush grass and in those moments find peace; RESTORE my soul that I may not want ANY thing but more of You...
Jesus, pursue me with Your goodness and unfailing love, to the place where I respond overwhelmed by it, all the days of my life... that I will live in the house of the Lord and shall want for nothing... for I have been satisfied by You.
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