Normal?

I am sitting at my sister's house listening to the rain fall as all of the children play downstairs.  I've been on the computer for awhile trying to avoid coming here actually.  I ended up going through my "google history" from the last, almost ten months.  It's amazing the flood of memories that came rushing back.  Some good, some not so much... but intensely emotional, nonetheless.  (*One of the of things that made me giggle was (were?) the number of words that I had to "look up".  I've been challenged in many ways since the beginning of this year and my vocabulary was one of them!)

As I sit, I find myself pondering what my new "normal" is supposed to look like.  There is SO much upheaval and loss in my life and NOTHING is as it was... the grief of so much loss is almost paralyzing.  I don't even know where to begin...  

In discussion with a friend, who very recently lost his wife, he assured me, that although often "things" don't turn out the way we plan, hope, or even pray, that God is still our only hope and place in which to place our trust.  He prayed, even with belief that his wife would be healed... she wasn't. What did he miss?  What did he not understand?  Now what?  What does normal look like?

What I know, is that despite my grief and questions, there are people around me that are continuing to love God, staying faithful, and keep putting one foot in front of the other; with a hope and a faith in a GOOD plan for the their future, from a GOOD God. 

I haven't a CLUE where to go from here... what to do... and with/without whom; but my heart is still beating (although most days it feels like barely) and must assume I am to keep going...