Back in Black...

Here I sit in bed blogging... I should be sleeping.  I am home alone tonight and really feeling it.  I haven't slept much at all in the last few days so I should be out, but tonight the "weight" of life is bearing down a little more than usual. 

I will confess that adding to what I will simply refer to as "life issues", is my mild anxiety concerning tomorrow's schedule. For those who are unaware, I am the Practice Representative for our area's BEST chiropractor.  I am doing a "screening" for a large group (150-200) of EMS personnel for the entire day. Piece-a-cake.  However,  I will be presenting a 30-45 minute talk (immediately following lunch - yeah, I get the desk droolers) for said medical professionals.  Did you catch that?  They being medically trained and educated, will be listening to me  attempt to teach them something.  It's intimidating to me and I don't get easily intimidated.  It's not the talking part that has me cranked... that is my specialty.  (I will pause for a moment allowing whatever snide remark that is running through your mind finish its course...)  The question is can I really teach them anything? 

I'd rather entertain them... would it be inappropriate to break out into chiropractic song parodies like "My Boyfriend's Back - is really out of whack" or "Jimmy Cracked Corn but my Doc can do it better", how about "I've Got Friends in Lower Lumbar Regions", maybe "Like a Virgin- adjusted for the very first time",  "I Can't Get No Subluxation (relief)"... wow, these are getting bad..."Ice Ice Baby- for at 10-20 minutes".  Yeah, maybe I better stick with the script.

Because of the occupation of these "seminarians" and their circles, I fear many may well know a good portion of my "life issues"... I HATE this.  This is the biggest reason I do not want to be there.  It is heart breaking to me, that while I have no reason to not walk in there with my head held high, I feel cloaked in shame.  How do I walk in there and be overtly me?  I already feel judged and I am not even there yet... I can feel the sizing up (or down) and no one is even laid an eye on me yet...  I know what I would say to someone if they were expressing these things to me, but somehow it doesn't seem to carry the encouragement.  It's kinda like rubbing your own feet... 

I pray that I will look out into the sea of faces and find just one person smiling back at me.  Maybe a familiar face, maybe not, but just one whose smile says, "You are not alone.  You've got this.  You can do this. I believe in you. Keep your head up and stay focused.  You are after all a Princess of the King.  Now, smile and enjoy the people you are there to serve."  Thank you friend... whoever you are.

Just a few hours until the alarm goes off... how about, "Don't Tell My Back, My Achy Breaky Back (that my doc is in Jamaica for a week!)  Yeah, I should have definitely gone to sleep before writing this post!

I better get crackin'... :)