Run, Steffi Run!

I ran tonight...not far. Not even far enough to consider it a "run". But I ran. Not even because I wanted to but because I needed to.

I was walking (really didn't even want to do that) at a nice pace and racking up a few miles but my hips started to hurt. I have experienced this before so I knew what I needed to do, I just didn't want to do it. My walking buddy also knew what I needed...so I began running. Just a nice slow jog -not that I do anything faster on a good day- and just the last stretch of road. But it was just what I needed. My hips quit hurting. Even as I ran I told my friend that it was easier than I thought it would be. I thanked her for pushing me.

As I began this post I didn't have a focus...just thought I would write a bit before heading off to bed. But remember how I told you that the Lord shows me stuff when I begin to write. Do you see all of the life parallels in the above paragraph? Wow.

I have been struggling lately. Loneliness. Lack of direction. Anonymity. Frustration. Senses of hopelessness...anything strike a chord? I have purposed however to keep putting one foot in front of the other. To walk it out. But things have really started to hurt. Maybe it is time to take this pain and run with it. I am not exactly sure what that is going to look like yet but I have a feeling I will know.

I began pouring some of this out with a friend today. He, having much more experience and wisdom than I, must also know I need to run. He pushed me. So I am faced with a choice. Do I continue to walk in the pain or do I begin to run? His exhortation to me was to not allow the pain to simply be felt but to embrace it. Let this pain push me to something greater...for my good and ultimately for the glory of God. This has always been my desire but sometimes I need the proverbial kick in the butt. Paul tells the Galatians "I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessing. Do you not know that in a race all runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."

Here was my thought process, in the few moments I had to consider whether or not I would run, on my walk tonight: I don't want to. I can't. It may hurt more. I haven't done it in awhile. It's not far enough for a real run. Oh, my word! It ended up being much easier than I thought it would be. In fact, I could have run further than we did. God tells me to throw off my sinful nature (my way of thinking) which is corrupted by deception. But to instead let the Spirit renew my thoughts and attitudes (Ephesians 4:22-23).

I have allowed self-doubt, laziness, perfectionism and fear to control far too many things in my life...from the physical to the spiritual. I am tired of it. Lord, I am ready to run. Your counsel to the Hebrews is the prayer of my heart tonight: "...let me throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let me run with perseverance the race marked out for me. Let me fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Let me consider HIM who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that I will not grow weary and lose heart."

Should I decide to run, I know there will be times I will trip and fall...but at least I will still be moving forward.