Provacative Sin

I had some trouble getting to sleep last night. I found myself praying for Jon & Kate Gosselin (they are from a reality show: Jon & Kate plus 8 on TLC...they are Christians with twins and sextuplets). Our girls have been very curious about all of the tabloid/celebrity magazines that have them plastered all over their covers these days. Our oldest, Sam, picked one up (without my knowledge) and began to leaf through it.

Then it happened. Those things in life you know will come... those things about which you know your children will ask...she asked me what was going on. My heart is racing even as I write this. I, in an attempt to end the conversation, explained that those magazines do not very often tell the truth or exaggerate things to sell magazines. She continued to push. "It says Jon had an affair. What is that again?" Feeling like throwing up (much like I do right now) I explained. "It means that someone becomes involved with a person who is not their spouse." She questions again, "What do you mean involved?" Let me remind you that this conversation is taking place while walking to our van at Kroger. "It means they have feelings for a person, that God intended for their spouse, but many times act on those feelings with that other person." Fearfully anticipating the push for even more detail, her next comment crushed me..."But I thought Jon was a Christian...but he is a really nice guy and a dad."

Now, you have to understand that this is my child who sees things in black and white. Since she was little, we have had many talks about grace. Talks about how, that just because as a family we don't believe that it honors the Lord to celebrate Halloween, doesn't mean that she may put out a yard sign, of her interpretation, that says "Jesus hates Halloween". But this conversation was years beyond yard signs and trick or treat...or was it? Could she put out a yard sign for this one: "Jesus hates adultery"? I think so...yet, grace must fit in here too.

You see, I don't know if all of what the tabloids are saying are true. I hope and pray not. But this I do know...we ALL need grace and mercy. If what they say he did is true, it is horrifically sinful, destructive, devastating and excruciatingly painful for all of them. There will be years to recover, I am sure. There will be scars for a lifetime.

But I wonder, when God calls me to respect my husband but I instead choose to speak to him in a manner which is the antithesis of respect, haven't I now, also a Christ follower, sinned against God. Why do we choose the "provocative" sins as unforgivable. Oh, not that we think that God won't forgive. We know He will. But we still want to put sin on a scale. Hear me on this. I know the effects of an affair reach far beyond what we consider "smaller" sins. I will not trivialize this reality. But it is not my point here. I want to examine our need for mercy....each and every one of us.

I, for one, am not above sin, the need to be forgiven, or the need for mercy. I also know, first hand, the struggle with measuring sin. You know what I mean. "I would never do that. Or at least I haven't done that." Haven't I? Haven't you? According to scripture we have. My sister reminded me of this very thing the other day. If Jon did have an affair and I hid from my husband something I ate (deception), which one is more deserving of eternal separation from our God? To reconcile with His Word, we both are.

If Jon is repentant and humbled before God over his sin, and I am too, who will He heal and restore to Himself? I remember very clearly, Lord asking me one day. "Let's say Sami had tremendously hurt Sarah. Sarah was crying out for healing in the depths of her pain. Sami then came to you begging for forgiveness and wanting to be healed. Seeing both of your children in pain, seeking healing, who would you heal first?" I am an imperfect parent, but my answer to Him was, of course, both.

May I be completely confessional? I still have to work at "esteeming others as better than myself". Some days this is really hard. Because there are times when I look at others and say, "But I am better than that. I would never ______". (Please tell me you struggle with this too.) I pray against this. It is self-righteousness and pride. I hate it. It doesn't allow me to love others well...and is certainly not how Jesus loves or how He desires for me to love His children. I beg God to give me His heart in this.

I have needed grace and mercy more than I will probably ever know. Words could not begin to express what my heart feels... eternal gratefulness that Jesus loves me enough to lavish me with both.

I exhort you today, Beloved, let grace and mercy flow from you with abundance...as it has been given unto you.